A Dummies Guide To Selfies

So this post is going to read a little different as I wanted to share a post from a Fetlife friend Fawn89 who posted this and I wanted to get it out to I wider audience she’s cool with me sharing it so if you are on FL go say hi.

Yesterday evening I decided on a whim to take photos. Was a race against the sunset. An hour in hair and makeup then an hour spent searching for a fucking remote shutter which did not get found, by which point it was almost 7pm. I set up a softbox and tried taking a photo on a timer – GRAINY AS FUCK! So I gave up, sat my fat arse on the sofa in a mood and felt sorry for myself.

10pm I made a discovery and tried again. I took some of the best pictures I ever have. YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN PORTRAIT MODE IN LOW LIGHT SETTINGS! Now I’m no expert (actually I’d say I am but there’s sure to be someone who disagrees) but this post may help someone somewhere.

Before I start…. I suggest buying a tripod or a ring light with built in phone holder. Cause you don’t want to be moving a stack of books around every time to want to change your camera angle.

Little miss sunshine is your best friend! (Unless she’s giving your tush 3rd-degree burns)

OPEN UP THEM BLINDS AND LET THE NEIGHBOURS SEE YOU NAKEDDDD :). The best light is sunlight BUT if it’s not available Grab every mobile light source you have. Though I would suggest spending £20 on a softbox light from Amazon.

Don’t be tempted to up the exposure on your phone.
Don’t point all the lights directly at you because you’re going to look like a sweaty mess! I usually have a small ring light directly in front of me and a softbox 60 degrees to the side of me which makes my eyes pop. Or if I have a light background to the side of me I will point the softbox at that, which bounces the light onto me, just a bit softer.

Camera settings:

Set your camera to ‘most compatible’
Turn on ‘mirror front camera’ and turn off live.

Clean up your shit!

The amount of times I’ve had a photo ruined by a Pepsi Max bottle or packet of hobnobs on my bedside table.

Connect with your camera and I don’t mean with the lens!

Don’t look straight at the lens 🤦🏼‍♀️ Look just above, below or don’t look at it at all.
Use your front camera so you can look at your sexy self on the screen instead.
Do buy a remote shutter. You can hide it with an awkward hand or press it with your big toe.
Be confident, no ones watching, channel your inner Bella Hadid! Maybe not so moody, you may smile 😃


This includes what you’re going to wear unless you’re not wearing anything….HOT!
Grab a book, an apple, lipstick, the hoover… I don’t know… be creative… the weirder the better. Make something other than you the subject!

If you’re wearing makeup put more on than usual.

The camera and lighting is going to wash that shit out and that pretty purple eyeshadow will never be seen. BUT ease off on the old highlight! I wouldn’t set your heart on capturing a particular image, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, have a few hours to take multiple different images trying different moods for each idea.

Take at least 3 photos of each pose.

You don’t want to have captured the perfect photo only to find you’re boss-eyed or your fanny flap was hanging out your knickers ( true story)

If you’re unsure about a picture don’t discard it until you’ve edited it, you may well change your mind.


Just don’t go ham and start changing your features!
Stretch marks, scars, freckles, wrinkles are unique and they’re hot!
Download Lightroom! Play around with the curve tool and you can dramatically change the mood of your photo.

It’s also okay to apply preset filters!

Not the Snapchat dog ears – light filters! All the hard work is done for you.
It does not change the way you look, it only changes the mood of a photo!
You want to create art right? And showcase it the best you can.
If you wanted to show a true depiction of yourself you’d upload a fucking mugshot!
FaceTune has a detail tool so you can pick out little details that you want to stand out but stay away from the rest of the tools 😅

Finally – arrange a massage for after cause your back is going to be in bits!

Example photo… taken in portrait mode. It looks crazy and overexposed but it’s better than a grainy photo. I wanted a darker moody image. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything about my greasy face 🤷‍♀️
Left: unedited Right: edited in lightroom

Again huge thanks to a Fawn89 go check her out

Anonymous Blogger

Anonymous Blogger

The Anonymous Blogger is an account all the authors of YouOnlyWetter uses if we see a great post somewhere else online. Usually NSFW (that's "Not Safe For Work" in case you didn't know!) We always ask permission before reblogging and try to mention where we found it and who was the original author but if we've missed it let us know. Found something funny that you think we should share or interested in writing a blog? then email [email protected]

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A Dummies Guide To Selfies

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